Who’s day is it, again?


A little while ago, someone said to me ‘my biggest fear for the day is that people won’t like my choices, that someone will say that they don’t like the colours, or the flowers, or the dress I chose’.


Of course, I reassured her that everything was beautiful and it would all be fine.

Seriously, though. What is it about weddings that turns an otherwise intelligent, sensible person in to an insane, insecure mess?! There speaks a woman who has spent far too long reading wedding magazines and watching Don’t Tell The Bride, and who has convinced herself that this stuff is important.

You’ve decided you want a wedding. Traditional, vintage, beach, barn.. whatever. You’ve chosen that because that’s what you want, right? And then you picked all the other stuff that you thought was ‘you’, that was your style? So, you like what you’ve chosen? What else matters?

Have confidence in your choices. Choose what you love and move on to more important matters – like sampling cake. Oh, and looking forward to spending the rest of your life with the one you love. Obviously.

PS. Why did you invite anyone who would criticise you, anyway? Just sayin’.


The HowNotTo Manifesto

How not to get married?  What’s this all about, then?  Well, in a nutshell…

No, thanks.

No, thanks” to:  Buying in to someone else’s idea of perfection. Maybe the white dress and horse-drawn carriage is for you.  Fine.  Maybe it’s not. Fine.  There are no “must-haves”, “essentials” or “can’t live withouts” here (if you see any, please feel free to let me know that I might have lost my mind).  This is not a place to come to wonder if your wedding ‘measures up’.

No, thanks” to:  The concept that this one “perfect” day will make or break your future happiness.  Excitement is good.  Looking forward to the adventure of married life is good.  Losing perspective and becoming obsessed is not. 

No, thanks” to:  The belief that “wedding” = “expensive” and “difficult”.  It might be both – but it only need be if that’s what you choose.

There’s no anti-wedding or anti-consumerism banter here.  Weddings can be beautiful things.  A chance to unleash your creativity, to connect with your community, and ultimately, share a really beautiful moment in your life with the people you love most.  We ♥ the joyous, the personalised, the love-filled and the heart-warming…


Yes, please.

Yes, please” to:  Getting inspired without getting overwhelmed.  Finding a way to express your own personal style in a wedding-world demanding compliance and uniformity.  Having confidence in your decisions – there is no “right” and “wrong”.

Yes, please” to:  Making informed decisions based on your budget and what you actually want.  Being aware of the sometimes-manipulative processes that some of the wedding industry uses to convince you to part with your cash, and therefore going in to it with your eyes open.

Yes, please” to:  Sanity.  Remembering that there is life outside of “the wedding”, appreciating what you’ve got instead of focussing on what you don’t have and can’t afford, and – dare I say it – actually enjoying yourself!

I expect this manifesto to evolve as HNTGM grows.  What do you think? Is there anything you’d like to change or add to this list?

(Image link.)